air: we’re covered in it. Although some of it is more luxurious, some is short and curly, and some grows all the time and has to be cut to maintain its length. Other bits don’t grow long, which is very handy under the circumstances. I don’t fancy an armpit ponytail myself.

Everyone has hair on the legs, arms, face and pubic area. In fact, everyone has hair all over the body. Some have more or darker hair that is more noticeable on paler skins. We all get hairier as we get older. If your hair feels dead, it's because it is: all the stuff above the skin surface, anyway. That’s why you can’t repair split ends by doing anything except cutting them off. Eating a balanced diet with protein will make the hair a healthier corpse. Hair is made from keratin, which is a form of protein. You can damage your hair with sun, bleach, heat treatments and blow-drying, perms and chemical dyes. Crash diets and stress can cause temporary hair loss until you correct the problem. (Hair loss usually starts two to three months after your nutrition level drops.)

Hormonal changes at puberty and the menopause can make the hair oilier. Women on the pill or who are pregnant report that some perms simply won't take on their hair. Pregnant women have really shiny hair. And when you go grey is hereditary.

Magazines regularly run stories about new hair products, some claiming ‘technological breakthroughs’ in shampoo, conditioner, colour or removal. The last thing they want you to do is leave it alone and stop spending money on your furry bits. And remember, the more you do to your hair, the more you risk damaging it through heat, chemicals and harassment.